Reflection 2015

        Peace by  Peace was the name of the trip going in this June. Nina and I thought of this name as we were picking up the pieces of what came crashing down two years ago. With the orphanage closing came a dark sadness with no hope and fear for all the children as we sat and heard about it crumbling down on the other side of the globe. Nina not being able to join us for this trip left it to my mom and I to start from the bottom and find a new confidence in the stability of Change for Children. All volunteers came in with an open mind knowing our plans were unclear and not settled. My mind and heart was open not knowing what to suspect. Each time going on a volunteer trip anywhere I feel you always have a new perspective. Rather if it is your first time or fifth time visiting a destination you always have different mind-set. Let me explain my mind-set on my two earlier trips to Cambodia. First trip, it was the first time I traveled abroad solely for volunteer work. The first time is always when you are most open to see new things and in general experiencing a new culture for the first time is indescribable. The first trip I fell in love with volunteering and the anthropology that comes with traveling. The second trip I went in once again not knowing what will happen, just excited to see the faces I had come to love during my first visit. During this trip my relationship with God was rekindled through the bonds with the God loving children of Cambodian Hope Association. So the first two trips, my experience differed greatly, and with my third visit (this past June) I once again went in without knowing what will happen, if not more than the first two visits.We had to go in without an orphanage in mind and find a new one.
            Through friends within Cambodia we easily found a new place to volunteer. This trip maybe my heart was a little closed off to the kids at the new orphanage because I wasn't prepared to meet new faces to replace the old faces I came to hold so dearly in my memories. Also maybe I didn't bond with them as closely because I had missed days with them from getting sick. So my mind-set became the improvement of Cambodia from my first trip 5 years earlier rather than how the orphanage affected me. My boss asked me to document and photograph trash while I was there, seeing as I am a zero-waste intern. I examined alleyways, rivers, houses, restaurants and how they dealt with trash. All along the river side trash lines the shores and gives the water a highly-potent smell, I never come to miss this smell. The garbage is thrown on curb-side streets for the truck to pick up. However, Cambodia faces monsoon rain storms nearly everyday breaking trash bags open and leaving garbage everywhere. I must say this time I saw the garbage truck several times outside our house, first time I've ever seen a garbage truck there F.Y.I. But the remnants of what fell out of the bags are still left to rot on the street. The orphanage we worked at lived along a river and would throw their own trash out the back gate, streaming along the banks of the river. On our last trip we invested in a legitimate trash can for CHA but due to the roof work we had to do time fell short on this trip. With this said I saw recycling taken care of for the very first time. In major city ports and tourist attractions recycling bins existed. Walking through the markets I saw workers collecting recycling from vendors in their carts for a cheap price to then carry to main recycling headquarters. This was a huge improvement I was excited to see. Infrastructure and new buildings are everywhere. Not that I enjoy skyscrapers and the city life, roads and stop-signs are now existent and businesses consume the streets meaning revenue. This money might not be going to the right places in government but it will eventually sort out. More importantly job opportunities are coming to fruition and over the past five years as a wittiness I can state Cambodia has grown tremendously. It is developing into a nation and moving on from its hideous past.
Now back to my experience at the orphanage, the reason of our trip. Arriving at the gates they had a treacherous name for a home for children. Something along the lines of poor organization for helpless kids, a name crying for attention, I quickly tried to forget it. The kids lined up ready to "present" themselves, the whole situation was depressing. How desperately the kids wanted to be recognized and how they had to "entertain" us to get our support for the future was not a pleasant site to see. As the director walked us around he pointed out the mess of the house and all the fixtures needed. This is why we fundraise and come, it is to help the orphanage in whatever way needed. The project we developed was building our own roof to keep them dry. The fact they were too poor to even own a fan made it a sweaty adventure. The roof was put into place and kept them dry through the night. The kids opened up quickly and it was a new experience because not a single child could speak English past hello, not even what is your name? We broke language barriers through games and hugs. By the second day they could count and do the ABC's. Which I am sure they somewhat knew because it came so easily. Seeing even the shyest of the children start to play was super rewarding and sharing laughter and smiles was the best. I learned very few names, possibly as a guard, knowing a name only leads to a deeper connection and I don't know the success rate of this orphanage. We worked very hard and so did all the other workers from the orphanage on the roof and the meals we purchased besides one man, the director. He would often disappear, it was apparent that he was grateful for our work and food, but only when it was finished. When the director isn't on board to help and make a difference we believe the orphanage cant't exist. We laid down the line on how we need to see major improvements for our support. We suggested lesson plans for when the kids aren't attending school, and better upkeep of bills and expenses, as well as the director's apparent desire to actually help the children. The last day the kids were more than loving and upset to see us go but grateful for the fun times and a new roof to keep them dry. Maybe I didn't become as connected because it was so hard to lose all the others from CHA and I didn't want to lose more children again. Or maybe it was a new mind-set on trash.
          I love Environmental Sciences and this trip only expanded my dream to help less developed countries with waste management, water, and just environmental rights and wrongs to save our mother Earth. It was hard to see CHA close but on that note I got to visit lots of children who came from CHA. I've seen babies become children, a girl become a teenager, and boys turn into young men. Just as much they've seen me grow as well. It is a beautiful thing to see how happy they all are after their home closed down and still the most cheerful people I know. Overall this trip expanded my dream and gave me my fill of traveling for the summer, leaving me counting down for my next adventure, college. I know Change for Children will continue on with me in college and I can't wait to expand to new countries, and find new volunteers as I move somewhere new. Volunteering will always be a part of my character and even though I'll be busy in college I will always find ways to help my community and this world. Change for Children is confident in its ability to make hands-on differences throughout the globe within the near future.

Paradise 6/20/15

Koh Rong was spectacular. We were in paradise to say the least. In the bungalow with the ocean view right under our footsteps, there was no worry, no time, just fun and laughter. At times I found it hard to believe I was still in Cambodia. Out of the hustle and bustle of the city beggars disappear, remembrance of the Khmer Rouge is nonexistent, land-mine victims are gone. It truly was a side of Cambodia I got to unearth. The island Khmer people were so happy. Their village was small it is easily a 3 hour boat ride to the mainland so they live with that they have off the docks and in the forest, which isn't much. Darks skinned and not ashamed of it. Island time was much needed and a relaxing quick excursion from the hard work we have done in the city. Tomorrow is our last full day of work and goodbyes.

Warmth of a Mother's Hug 6/15/15

My immune system is starting to kick back up. Still weak and tired I was able to go to Hope Children Hope and see the kids I have known for nearly five years now. Visal, Witchika, Tira, and Cheetah, then Sakada who was the extremely good artist and guitarist from my last visit. They all have grown into children from babies, and for some into teenagers. Witchika, Tira, and Cheetah were the three sisters who stole my heart on my trip in 2011. The three sisters had a little brother they just welcomed at HCH, because the mother is too sick to care for him alone. She came in with us from Phnom Penh to cross the river and visit them today because she was feeling good enough. She is apparently terminally ill, and I remember her being sick from the very beginning and that was why the sisters were always at an orphanage. They were dangling around her and it was nice to see how happy their mother makes the girls and I felt honored we got to deliver this nice gift to them. Tira was the first one I saw as we arrived, still looking the same with longer hair. She was shy at first but immediately remembered me when we made eye contact. Hope Children Hope has expanded immensely and looking better than ever. They bought out next door to be the girls' house. Then the backyard of the boys' house was developed into a playground, volleyball court, soccer field, Coi pond and so much more. After playing volleyball and soccer for a few hours we had to head out because it is on the country side and across the river and not close to home to say the least. It has been fascinating to see these children grow from 2 or 3 to 7 or 8 and attending school now, growing everywhere, and for Cheetah into a young lady, or Sadaka being lengthier with more drawings and better guitar songs. Timon, the director from Germany, has done immense work and it is nice to see some orphanages are successful with kids truly happy and well fed. We told Timon about where we are working and he feels bad for saying it but we understand, and at times he thinks it is better for kids to stay in the country side doing fieldwork they know how to do than coming to the city and being worse-off in a broken-down orphanage. Many orphans here aren't the true definition of one: parentless and abandoned. Most are still in contact with their family, but they were too poor or too sick to care for their children any longer. Or they lived in the country-side and wanted their children to have an education. It is even harder to imagine your parents dropping you off to say goodbye indefinitely, knowing they're doing it out of pure love for a better opportunity, but orphanages don't match their mother's touch or their father's games and knowing they are still out their alive and able to be with that child makes it harder to imagine living without them. In the broken down shambles of where we are working now the little boys were hugging me very tightly never loosening their grip. The director told me its because I remind them of their mothers and that they miss them. I can stand there and hug back easily if that is what they want. Not having your mother's hug for months and even years is hard to imagine at age 6, 7, and 8 when all they want is affection and for someone to notice them back. Without the side-work of rebuilding the orphanage, if I can give them the warmth of a mother's hug I can leave Cambodia fulfilled and happy. HCH is in a lot better shape and a success story so it's fun to play and laugh with them while carrying for the other orphanage more tentatively with a direct plan to better it. I have enjoyed the days I got to spend off bed rest but excited for Koh Rong and a new adventure to the side of Cambodia I haven't seen yet.

Blog Gaps 6/13-14/15

Sorry for the blog gaps and not much writing. I was infected with a parasite and on bed rest for a few days. I can honestly say that being in a third-world country sick is slightly nerve-racking, but I was taken immaculate care of. I had nothing to fear and I am back on track with feeling myself again. Unfortunately I missed time at the orphanage and some of the work. My aunt got the job done for me and made the sad lonely girl smile, giggle, and talk again. The desolated girl, who sat in the front on the ground watching the street and not interacting with anyone, name is Srey Pi. The kids are mean to her and throw her out of the way when she tries to get involved, so she easily gives up and resorts to just sitting. We were told her mother says she is too lazy and can't go to school. She sits there all day while everyone else gets to enjoy school, besides the few ones that are too young. We clearly don't understand why the director has to listen to the mom and not allow her to go, but there are reasons there. When all the children left my aunt was able to play with her and teach her some English, which she picked up fast. It was nice to hear that she had opened up and let herself smile and laugh. I hope with the next visit I can witness this myself. The roof was finished and looking superb for our make-shift idea.

New Faces 6/12/15

Excitement and anxiety explains my feelings of the tuk-tuk ride to the new orphanage this morning. It is like starting all over again since CHA shut down. The faces would be unfamiliar, I won't know any of them. I have to talk to new faces and find out their stories from ground zero. There is much excitement in this though. It was a far ways out to a part of town I was unfamiliar with. We arrived to the gate, and children quickly approached and lined up looking all cute and proper ready to meet us. The smiling and waving existed but there was that awkward barrier, which always happens when unknown visitors arrive for the first time. We walked around with the director as he pointed out places that needed fixing. The building they live in is quite old and has many roof and gutter issues when it rains. This gets the children as well as their belongings (very few belongings they have) wet, this also prolongs sicknesses. Tomorrow we will be patching up the roof with hopes our idea can pull through to keep the monsoon season rain out of the house. That awkward barrier was soon broken and mayhem was let loose when the bubbles and balls came out. The children were soon running around and following the volunteers anywhere they wandered. These particular children didn't seem to speak or understand much English, making it hard to learn names. Possibly they are just being shy and will open up to speak as time goes on. There are 30 in all. Every single one was smiling and so happy to see a new ball that had replaced the broken plastic one they only had. There was only one girl who sat out front and didn't play or blow bubbles, my goal is to change that soon.

Las Mariposas 6/10/15

The strange events came to a halt, with that said I am exhausted from today so excuse the grammar and confusion. It was so wonderful to see no clouds and a clear sunset with an amazing view of Angkor Wat in the reflection pool. The heat, however, was not so beautiful, at least not in the part of me looking somewhat not drenched in sweat. The serene and mystical beauty of all temples is always a joy to take in. Through the stress and exhaustion of the heat we finally made it to the tree temple. The long path leading there is green and lush with high rows of trees and butterflies fluttering along to the traditional Khmer music. The butterflies fly away so peacefully when thousands of people walk through their forest every day to get to the temples and still come close and fly along with the packs of people. Lunch was entertaining as it nearly took three hours due to there only being one chef and one hot plate. So we got to spend more time talking and learning more about when CHA (past orphanage I worked at) shut down. Pov isn't 100% what happened because it happened so fast, but he knows more than we do. The day it shut down cars came taking the kids away, and luckily for what Pov knows, placed them in other orphanages. We initially thought they would have let them into the streets to decide for themselves. Pov and Punleu happened to be in the same car with some more older boys. The new orphanage they went to didn't have school. So after three days the boys ran away and are now living in a house with Rithy (caretaker of CHA) and are going to school now. I can't wait to visit their home this upcoming week and see all the boys who have grown up and are teenagers now from my first visit. The rest of the night was filled with laughter and swimming lessons. Seeing the sunset on top of a temple on top of the mountain, then later enjoying Aspara dancing and the night market. Oh and add eating grasshoppers to the list.

Brighter 6/8/15

Having it be my third time back to s-21 and the killing fields people may assume the horrors of the Khmer Rouge are less shocking. Yes i knew the violent acts and the statistics, but it still takes my breath away. The horrors Cambodians had to face is unimaginable and is still unrecognized today. No country offered a helping hand to end the regime after knowing the rumors of the violence was true and still many people don't know of the genocide. Years of suffering isn't recognizable as you walk through the streets, however, it is covered with smiling faces. The people of Cambodia are defined by the regime and want to remember those who were lost but want to move on into a new society no longer dragged down by the tragedy. My reaction may not be as surprised or torn down walking through these infamous sites as new comers, but my heart still does stop and I can't believe how most people don't know of this tragedy throughout the globe. Cambodia's future is looking brighter and brighter with each new visit. More buildings and infrastructure are being built and developed. I've seen trash cans and recycle cans placed in common town parts all signifying improvement. The dedication of all Cambodians for a better life is truly inspiring. "You reap what you sow," the basic principle of Karma and Buddhism comes to mind. Cambodians work hard and dedicate their life to whatever supports them all in the hopes for Cambodia to soon resemble how hard all citizens work in the development level of the country. Government and politics are still corrupt, but aren't they always? It is inspiring to see dedication depicted here and motivates me to try my best at all tasks that come my way. The busy city lights and noises remind me life can and will go on, as Cambodia is beginning to.

Series of Misfortunate Events 6/9/15

The day started of early to head to the beautiful Siem Reap. The drive from Phnom Penh is about 5 hours and is not smooth sailing to say the least. The roads are in a way paved but covered in ruts and dirt with humps covering the entire road. Sleeping can only last ten minutes until you fly out of the seat and get whipped around. The day had a weird series of events. In the car ride Pov got carsick, now this is common as seeing he doesn't drive around often, but it was the start to an off set day. Before we arrived in Siem Reap we stopped at the floating village and a town that lies along the river. We boated out to see the village but there was just one little thing, the river was dried up. The canal that led to the river was no more than 15 inches deep and we were in a very small boat with seven people in it doesn't get through that easily. We beached every five minutes and were stuck in the blistering heat with the need to push until we could move again. We finally reached the opening of the river and boated out to a restaurant to take a little break from the sun and enjoy the quaint village of people who lived on the water. This village was clearly in a drought and I could only wonder how much their daily life was being affected by it. The rice fields out in the distance were sucked dry and how many fish died when the river dried out? It was nothing like the village I went to in 2011. Still as we left the village all families were outside enjoying each others' company and happily waving to us as we departed. Children were playing and everyone looked so happy. It made me double check being down when I home, when clearly these people were struggling to survive with little to no water, yet never frowned or complained. We finally arrived to the hotel after driving around the tight streets of the night market in a big van for over an hour trying to find our hotel, which happened to be down make-shift alleyways. Everyone was a little hangry and annoyed waiting to get to a restaurant and eat. After enjoying our meal ad finishing our events another strange event occurred, Punleu's glass he was drinking from exploded in his mouth. After confirming all was ok It had been an ironic moment as it explained our day. We simply wanted a drink and to enjoy Cambodia when all plans for the day went a rye, but after the cup exploded it was a laughable moment and we were just glad to be enjoying each others' company with friendly faces of the people always surrounded us.

Arrival 6/7/15

The warmth of the humidity was apparent the second after walking out of the plane. Normally feeling disgusted and done with the heat already, the hot air overcame my body in the upmost welcoming way. Cambodia is where I needed to be and the smell of nothing but joy was passed along in the wind. Greeted with the brightest of smiles and tightest of hugs from friends over the past years only made it that much more enjoyable. Trying to learn new language phrases; only from the best (Pov, and Punleu), made an hour pass as a laughing festival with jokes pointing towards us at our horrible pronunciations of any Asian language. The night was filled with happy faces, but dreary eyes as jet lag took the best of us. I pray this upcoming trip brings happy memories.