Feeling Inspired By Hope

             Inspired is the one word to describe the feeling I had the other night at CHA. When we arrived it was quiet at first with all the lights off, we had figured the kids had fallen asleep early and I had no idea I was about to experience one of the most inspiring moments in my life. As the gate unlocked a wave of music and singing over came my ears. It was the sweetest noise I’ve ever heard. Not sweet as in good, sweet as in the adorable voices all of the kids had even the tone deaf high-pitched ones. Pon Leu and one other boy his age (15) were playing the guitars while all the others were singing beautiful worship songs. Of course they were in Khmer and I had no idea what the song words were, but I felt overpowered by joy and love.  I knew God had brought us together as one and the language barrier between us was broken by dance and song for the Lord we all love. Seeing how much each child there loved God so much I knew I loved these kids even more because I wanted to follow in their steps. The steps they took to come from nothing, and can even be considered filth to rise above and bloom as beautiful flowers through God and their faith. I knew my faith needed some tightening and strengthening after seeing all these children rise above through their faith and really love life and start to see and understand why they were brought into this Earth and see their talents and their potential. I know God has a great plan for all these children and knowing they came through the hard times in their life and still believe and trust in God is just overpowering my body with chills and is a motive for me to be stronger in my faith!

            I came here for the mission of first spreading my love hands on but also helping the kids realize through God they have amazing talents and have the potential to do and be whoever or whatever they want to be. Last night gave me the sense that they already realize maybe not their specific talents or what they are suppose to do in their life time but know that God has a plan for them and they are ready for what it brings. Heck, most people don’t realize what they are suppose to do on Earth until they are elder. My plan is to help the children here in Cambodia everywhere realize their special talents God blessed them with and how to take advantage of their talents to become something in their life and get out of the slums. I know that each and every kid at CHA is amazing and has the potential to become the career person every child dreams of being. While helping the kids here it opened my eyes more of being connected to God and realizing I was put on this Earth to spread my unconditional love through God’s word and know that God has a grand mission for me while I am on Earth. I help the kids realize their potential as much as they help me realize mine.  I am sad that I only have one more day here in Cambodia but it will be well spent and I will learn greatly from this and hope the children at CHA feel the same. 

First Goodbyes, But So Much More To Come

Hope Children Hope is an orphanage full of crazy talented and beautiful children. It is very small but the love is still bigger than ever imaginable. All 16 kids can read and speak English well. All are talented in the arts, rather it is drawing, or playing instruments, singing or dancing. One named Hang, is an inspiration to me and has imprinted on me for a life time. I can't wait to see what he shall become as he grows older and I can watch and see his growth. The first night walking into Hope Children Hope, the urgency of the kids to come greet us was exciting to see and made me excited and anxious to see what the day would bring. However, Hang at first was very slow to open up and greet us until I went to introduce myself and talk with him. As soon as he realized we only brought good intentions he was glad we were there and REALLY opened up. He liked to show us off all his talents, and trust me there are many. The story books we brought them he liked to read aloud to all the children and his English was spot on. Then he played his guitar for us while singing. He was also very good at karate and tried to use his moves on me but it was hard for him because no one can take me down... ! He isn't the only child there who is full of talents. Last night as we arrived many of the older boys were outside on electric guitars with all the kids rocking out. It was the project manager's, who lives in Germany, birthday. The kids were more than happy to see birthday cake and soda and even more happy to see us covered in them. I was covered head to toe in icing and cake, and the kids thought it was the funniest thing and the bugs everywhere were even more than happy to smell the sweetness on me as well! The party fun had to come to an end unfortunately that meant goodbye possibly forever if some of the kids leave. This goodbye was hard but I was able to hold the tears from dripping down my face and slowly wiped them from my eyes trying not to be obvious. As I held all the kids tight I knew God has a grand plan for their life time and I see all the great talents God granted them with. I pray all the kids realize the talents God granted them and they don't take them for granite and really use their talents for their advantage to get a better life. I hope I helped all these children realize their potential and stay off the streets, I can't wait to see their progress soon.

It feels so heart warming to finally have the chance to spend a FULL day at CHA. The kids were more than happy to see us and finally get to play with us more than just a couple of hours. The day went by fantastically but way too fast. I can't believe I only have two more full days with my loves. The days will be full of fun and play while we all learn important facts about ourselves as we help the kids' potential shine through and they help us rid our impurities of the past to move on and appreciate life. All the kids are so loving and you could never imagine someone from the past they lived be so kind and caring after that hardship. They teach me and hopefully all the volunteers to move on from our past in full force and to forgive and forget knowing God only has greatness planned for you ahead. I see the beauty in all the kid's lives and even though they don't have a lot they have each other, God, and the desire and want to succeed in life. I use their life as a demonstration for me and hope to only learn from their experiences and live a great life just full of compassion and love even when the times get hard. All the kids I have gotten to know so close throughout this trip will stay with me forever and I can't wait to see what lies ahead on this great voyage among Cambodia.

Half Way Gone

Seeing as it is already day 5; I try to look back and see what we have accomplished. Though I know it is a lot (providing more beds, a trash can,cleaning, the list goes on and on... and of course our love) I'm starting to realize how 2 weeks could never be enough time. Even 2 months, a year, could never be enough time to accomplish the needs of every child and where they live throughout all three orphanages we have and will visit. Already only having two visits to the orphanages, unbreakable bonds have started to grow. I can see it not only in myself but all three other volunteers as well. I remember three days ago when we met Deborah, a handicapped two year old at CHA, she has small but good movement on the ground but still very weak and frail. As she turned to her stomach she saw my mom walk in; she tilted her head and back up (in a superman pose) and smiled with all the muscles in her body she can use to move towards her. My mom rubbed her and made her muscles relaxed will Deborah looked at her in awe. Tears started to come to my eyes out of pure happiness as I witnessed Deborah and my mom immediately connect. I feel the same about the others here and myself as well, we all connect with kids and it is a spectacular sight to see. I love all these kids so much and I already know the good byes will be painful and hard. Luckily for us we still have half way more to go. I still have more time to grow even bigger bonds and fulfil the kids' needs more! I am excited to see what it shall bring and can't wait to spread my love even more . These kids are my life and I won't stop helping them until even past my death as this organization carries on as a legacy!

These past two days have been loads of fun at CHA, we play soccer and sports from the time we step in to when we leave! Yes it is extremely fun to play, but you have to understand it feels like 80% humidity out here, you're just sweating sitting there. But who could say no to "sister, sister, play!" as their cute little faces are screaming it at you. The trip has been full of interesting adventures seeing as we are the "bekrong" (foreigners) here. Every where you go or every step you take some ones eyes are watching you. As I sit up here typing this in the guest house, one visitor, I am assuming friends with the workers, took a video on his phone of my sister walking up the stairs and down to our room. Yeah, it can get a little creepy at times!  Or just today we went to the National Museum and the monks walking around kept asking us to take pictures with them, one even asked if we could take one with his Grandma, so for the most part it is funny and not creepy we're just famous. The culture here is just different in that they try super hard to be as white as they can and have bleach in everything like their lotions and things; while we try to get the best tan of the summer as if it is a contest. The days have gone by too fast playing and working with the kids, I can literally see time flying. Hopefully the rest of the trip brings nothing more than happiness and love.

Unlocked

6/15/13
The gates open and all the memories flush back into my mind remembering every little detail from two years ago. From each and every single kid's name and the special moments we spent in this or that specific spot; the opening gate, the building, the rooms and all the beautiful paintings are still there in the back of my mind. The shyness of all the children hiding in their rooms waiting for the ok that we are good and not bad, sort of stings a little. I wasn't shocked that no one remembered me specifically but the fact that they got hurt so bad they can't even be welcoming or trust worthy of anyone anymore. Long story short many volunteers went to CHA and started many bad rumors getting the police involved and almost causing it to shut down. I shouldn't be shocked that Rithey (the director of CHA) is very hesitant when it comes to people just walking in off the streets to "help" because when it happened last time the kids were scarred for life from the terror it brought upon their lives. As we warm to Rithey we have the chance to play some soccer with the boys and one girl who actually played quite well; Sry Teng. After touring the orphanage we went around trying to find what was needed to be fixed or purchased. We found they needed more mattresses because five were sleeping on the floor. So right away we go on the hunt for the mattresses needed and find them purchase them and deliver them right away. Hoping the fact that we just spent all this money is going to help Rithey see we are there to help not to turn them in and break down the orphanage any more. Tomorrow we will return and can only pray they let us in and accept our warm welcoming so we can be there for the remainder of our trip.

6/16/13

When I was here three years ago I grew a very close bond with four young children three of whom are sisters and one who is just a friend. Visal, Cheetah, Witchika, and Tida, stole my heart two years ago with their beautifully loud and sassy attitudes.... Unfortunately when everything went bad at CHA they moved out to the villages into another orphanage, Hope Children Hope. The trip out there started out quite impressive with us getting on a cargo ship while still sitting in our Tuk-Tuk and watching about ten cars and dozens of motos just line up in the small cargo ship, leaving their engines on while we cross the rivers to get to the village side. It was a site to see and fumes probably not to good to be around. Hope Children Hope, is well off with children that are all very smart in their own way but all know how to speak and read English. One boy knew how to play the guitar, read perfectly in English, and was an amazing artist. It was amazing how smart all the children were.The play time with the kids was great while we sat inside during the torrential down pour that occurs each and every day. We learned some new karate moves, patty cake games, and best of all some Khmer dance moves from the director and all the kids. The kids were amazingly bright and full of personality, I can't wait to visit them again.

However, today was not all fun and games. My Aunt who came Friday left today she just came up for a short weekend visit with her friend from Aussie. My Aunt has been helping us with fundraising tremendously down there and is coming next April with other moms and friends around Australia to come and volunteer to teach English. I could not thank her enough for the support she has given us and the effort she has put in to keep this organization up and running. However it is sad she had to leave so I will miss her greatly but have more great people I will be meeting and creating new memories with. I can't wait for what this trip has to bring and I hope while I'm here I can accomplish my task to fill children's hearts with love and show them their potential.

Jitters 6/15/13

I can't explain the anxious feeling in my stomach right now. Maybe it is the fact that it is 4 in the morning or the food I ate last night. Most likely it is the day I am about to face, in only a couple of hours I will be headed back to CHA; the place where this whole journey and mission started. I have dreamt about this day for two years now and why is it that my gut is above my head and I am just shaky talking about this? It is the fact that just last night Nalin (Use to work at CHA) was doing everything in her will power to try to convince us to not visit CHA. That blah blah blah had occurred since the last time I was there and this has changed to that. None of that matters to me those kids I left holding in my arms two years ago have created a bond with me that will last a life time.  I promised myself and all the children there I would come back. So today I will be headed back down the streets I have remembered in the back of my head since the day I left. To finally turn around the corner and see the bright colored gates that are now gray and dull, the kids that are no longer smiling, and worst of all a gate that is locked, that I must learn to unlock through trust and unconditional love.